The Phrases from My Dad Which Saved Me as a Brand-New Dad

"In my view I was just trying to survive for the first year."

Ex- reality TV star Ryan Libbey anticipated to handle the demands of being a father.

But the reality soon proved to be "very different" to what he pictured.

Severe health problems around the birth caused his partner Louise admitted to hospital. Abruptly he was pushed into acting as her main carer while also caring for their baby boy Leo.

"I was doing all the nights, every change… every walk. The role of both parents," Ryan shared.

After 11 months he burnt out. That was when a chat with his parent, on a bench in the park, that led him to understand he needed help.

The simple words "You're not in a healthy space. You must get support. What can I do to support you?" created an opening for Ryan to speak honestly, look for assistance and find a way back.

His situation is not uncommon, but rarely discussed. Although people is now more comfortable talking about the strain on mums and about PND, less is said about the difficulties dads encounter.

Seeking help isn't a weakness to request support'

Ryan feels his challenges are part of a wider inability to communicate amongst men, who still internalise harmful notions of manhood.

Men, he says, tend to think they must be "the harbour wall that just gets hit and doesn't fall time and again."

"It's not a show of weakness to seek help. I didn't do that soon enough," he adds.

Therapist Dr Jill Domoney, a expert specialising in mental health before and after childbirth, explains men can be reluctant to accept they're having a hard time.

They can believe they are "not the right person to be asking for help" - particularly in front of a mum and baby - but she emphasises their mental well-being is equally important to the household.

Ryan's heart-to-heart with his dad offered him the chance to request a pause - going on a short trip abroad, outside of the home environment, to see things clearly.

He came to see he had to make a shift to focus on his and his partner's emotional states in addition to the day-to-day duties of caring for a new baby.

When he was honest with Louise, he realised he'd missed "what she longed for" -reassuring touch and listening to her.

'Parenting yourself

That realisation has reshaped how Ryan sees being a dad.

He's now penning Leo weekly letters about his experiences as a dad, which he wishes his son will look at as he matures.

Ryan believes these will enable his son to more fully comprehend the vocabulary of emotional life and interpret his parenting choices.

The concept of "parenting yourself" is something musician Professor Green - whose name is Stephen Manderson - has also experienced deeply since having his son Slimane, who is now four years old.

As a child Stephen did not have consistent male guidance. Even with having an "amazing" bond with his dad, long-standing difficult experiences meant his father had difficulty managing and was "present intermittently" of his life, affecting their relationship.

Stephen says repressing emotions resulted in him make "bad decisions" when he was younger to alter how he felt, seeking comfort in drink and drugs as an escape from the hurt.

"You find your way to substances that are harmful," he says. "They might short-term modify how you are feeling, but they will eventually cause more harm."

Strategies for Getting By as a First-Time Parent

• Talk to someone - if you feel swamped, tell a friend, your spouse or a professional what you're going through. This can to reduce the stress and make you feel less isolated.
• Remember your hobbies - make time for the pursuits that allowed you to feel like you before the baby arrived. Examples include playing sport, seeing friends or playing video games.
• Don't ignore the physical health - nutritious food, physical activity and when you can, sleep, all play a role in how your mental state is coping.
• Connect with other first-time fathers - sharing their stories, the challenges, and also the joys, can help to normalise how you're experiencing things.
• Understand that seeking help does not mean you've failed - looking after your own well-being is the optimal method you can care for your family.

When his father later died by suicide, Stephen expectedly struggled to accept the passing, having had no contact with him for many years.

Now being a father himself, Stephen's determined not to "continue the chain" with his boy and instead offer the safety and nurturing he did not receive.

When his son threatens to have a meltdown, for example, they practise "releasing the emotion" together - managing the feelings constructively.

The two men Ryan and Stephen explain they have become better, healthier men because they faced their pain, transformed how they communicate, and learned to control themselves for their sons.

"I am now more capable of… sitting with things and handling things," explains Stephen.

"I expressed that in a note to Leo last week," Ryan says. "I wrote, sometimes I feel like my job is to teach and advise you what to do, but in reality, it's a exchange. I am understanding as much as you are on this path."